Gossip Girl tells us that both Paris and the Upper East Side empty out during the month of August. Though that may be true, there was still no shortage of drama on tonight’s episode of “Gossip Girl.”As the hour begins, Blair and Serena are still living it up in Paris. Blair has even somehow convinced the princely Louis to give her another chance, despite the horrible way she acted toward him last week. But while Blair’s getting ready for her perfect date, Serena is taking a trip to the Paris morgue—wherein lies a body that may or may not be Chuck Bass.
It isn’t, of course—and we have to give this show’s writers credit for not having Serena be fooled by the imposter. (Those deductive reasoning skills must have been what got her into Columbia.) When she heads back to Eleanor and Cyrus’s pied- à-terre to tell Blair the whole sordid story, Serena’s friend has a surprise in store: She saw Chuck with her own eyes just one hour earlier. Using the spot where Blair spotted Chuck as a starting point, Serena starts looking for her wayward stepbrother. Luckily for everyone, she happens to stop by the very wine bar where Chuck’s now working. Bass’s boss—a.k.a. his new girlfriend Eva’s uncle—leads Serena straight to the man in question.
At first, Chuck pretends not to recognize Serena and shuts his door in her face. Later, though, he goes outside to find her waiting for him. There, he tells her he’s not planning to go back, which he thinks will make “all the people who’ve wished me dead since I was born” happy. After losing Blair, he has no desire to be Chuck Bass anymore. Serena relays the message to Blair, who pretends not to care—after a successful date, Louis has invited B to come to a ball with him. (As you do.) And then, when Blair’s in Harry Winston picking out something beautiful to complement her gorgeous scarlet gown—the jewelry is Louis’s treat, of course—she comes across an exquisite diamond ring. This turns out to be the engagement ring Chuck was about to give her before she found out about his dalliance with Jenny.
But even if Chuck was going to propose, says Blair, it doesn’t change what he did—or who. Serena begs her to reconsider, saying that Blair is the only one who can stop Chuck from disappearing. As they speak, he’s headed to the train station with Eva, intending to leave Paris and Chuck Bass behind for good. This gives Blair a change of heart, and she races to the station to stop Chuck. Their reunion is bittersweet—when she tells him he should have told her about getting shot, he replies wryly, “I’m surprised you didn’t shoot me yourself.” Blair, of course, has a witty retort at the ready: “I have. Many times, in my dreams. The good ones.”
Then things get a little more serious. Blair tells him that running away won’t solve his problems—and that she doesn’t think the man Chuck wants to be would act like a coward. When he says softly that he destroyed the only thing he ever cared about, she hands him the ring and tells him that despite his actions, “it takes more than [him] to destroy Blair Waldorf.” And either way, Blair says, “It wouldn’t be my world without you in it.”
While Blair’s breaking things off with Louis (see, she’s been using him to run away from her life in New York, just like Chuck!!), Chuck is getting ready to head back to Manhattan. He isn’t, however, going back alone—before bidding Paris au revoir, Chuck asks Eva to accompany him. “You bought me a ticket?” she wonders. “We don’t need tickets,” he replies. “I’m Chuck Bass.” Ladies and gentleman, the bitch is back.
On the other side of the pond, Nate’s getting to know Juliet Sharp (hmm… as in Becky?). After he tells her everything that happened in the first three seasons—er, since Serena left the UES—Juliet is awed: “The life of Serena van der Woodson is like, the most complicated Jane Austen novel ever,” she says. You know, Jane Austen, Cecily von Ziegesar—same difference.
Juliet decides that Nate is in need of some serious guidance. So she offers to be his “life coach.” First order of business: eliminating any competition for Serena’s heart. To accomplish this, Juliet sneakily tells Vanessa that Dan told Nate (you following this?) he still has feelings for her. As a result, Vanessa and Dan sleep together, theoretically taking him out of the game. But Nate feels guilty about what he let Juliet do, and Dan soon finds out about the lie—as does Vanessa, who storms off upon hearing the truth. As all this is going down, Dan and Nate are wearing almost identical plaid shirts.
Luckily, Vanessa is soon mollified when Dan tells her himself that he does, in fact, care for her. Nate and Juliet make nice, too, when she apologizes for meddling in his life. Serena comes home to find that the love triangle she left behind has neatly resolved itself: both of her potential boyfriends are now with other girls. Also, she has no idea why there’s a baby in Dan’s loft, and everyone hilarious disperses before explaining to her what’s going on.
A few scenes of intrigue close up the episode. First, Rufus reads on Milo’s hospital bracelet that the baby’s blood type is O-. Dan, though, is AB+, meaning that Milo in all likelihood is not his son. Shocker of the century! More intriguing is Juliet’s last scene, in which we watch her take down the pictures and clippings from her crazy stalker bulletin board as she makes a mysterious phone call, telling the person on the other end, “I had to improvise, but it’s done… Take care. Hang in there. I miss you.” She leaves one piece of paper hanging on her wall: Serena’s mug shot.
Who is Juliet, assuming this proves conclusively she can’t be Gossip Girl? What mission is she on? Are her phone call and Georgina’s phone call connected? Leave your guesses in the comments.
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